A woman walking through the trees, her skin flashing naked, dappled. Was she in her swimming costume, I thought, and just walking to the pool the long way? I slowed in my car. No-one else on the road. No-one else walking. Her nudity was confirmed by the tucked line of her buttocks. She was either pregnant or big, filled with a child, or just full. She was a madwoman or Venus. Or maybe I am, seeing such things. She seemed happy, seemed to just be going for a walk, not wanting help, or distressed. I wished her a good journey and drove on.
A while ago now – the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012
Over the holidays I loved so many minutes, so many moments, things were just so much better on days when not so much was timed, when sleep was when I felt like it, and I could stay up until four and not care how tired I might be the next day. Deciding to just stay longer, or leave whenever was great.I tried to write two posts for thisfiveminutes, both in response to buskers. Listening to buskers came to mean holiday time for me. I just stopped and listened and listened to George in Bourke St Mall in Melbourne.Later in the holidays I stopped and listened to a young red-headed double bass player under the walkway of the Canberra Centre. Though the bass filled my body with its deep resonance, words were not there. Later a student described Bracque’s Violin and Pitcher in relation to feelings about the earth. I’ll think of this next time I listen to a double bass. It seems right.Writing in response to music is so difficult. I’ve done it once successfully (I think) and it took months of listening to a Chopin Nocturne again and again until it seemed to be embedded in my walls. Responding to music in writing remains an ambition for me, because I find the experience so elusive and evasive.
So sorry some of my December January posts, you slipped by with the holidays. Somewhat ironically this post has sat in my drafts for awhile, and I posted much later fragments earlier. This goes up with the full and hazy Easter moon, the time I always feel the year has really arrived.
2.34 pm, 12 December, 2011.
National Portrait Gallery
Canberra
In the underground car park we walk to my car and I open the front door to put in my bag, and then the back door, where I have placed her book. I brought it to give it back after years, and in our memories the book is large and weighty and we are so glad it isn’t, as it will fly away with her.
We stand and look together as I turn the pages, we look at Alice Neel’s portraits – I’m no longer familiar with where they rest in these pages. I look for dark-eyed Nadia, but don’t see her (my favourite of Neel’s models) and we smile at the old men in their wrinkled suits, the naked pregnant woman lying on the bed with her clothed lover, (they both seem so undressed) and I love that one and that one, Neel’s daughter sitting in front of the rubber plant, leaning towards us, and there are those toddler twins on the bed like tanks, their jowled and bosomy forms pointed at the viewer along with their gaze, and we talk about what it is to view these pictures, that we can talk about them, and I say I feel I have seen these people. We stand together in the Portrait Gallery car park. She says she is using more colour, Neel is very good to look at for that, and we hug, we hug, say goodbye, and hug …
6.50 pm, 21 November, 2011.
I missed you being here. You were there, and then you were here again. How could you ever not be here with me? How to imagine another place with you there and not here? I couldn’t ring you. You couldn’t email. You are an ache. You are the pain of not having your presence. You are your own life, always. How can you be? This floating. You flying. Away. Back. Here. Where and here?
4.26 pm, 29 October, 2011.
Australian Capital Territory
Electric simile zap! We’re just running around, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-NA! I’ m just just JUST! See? What? Oh! We’re laughing. We are running from kitchen to living room and back. Where’s the camera? Look at this little corn chip in the shape of the bat signal!
Postscript. The Batchip disappeared and was found weeks later in the fruit bowl, no longer quite so representative of the bat signal that shone in the sky, calling for help, but still the one, for sure. Broken slightly.





